The Puns Magical Chops! Where is LeBrons Help? edition
Written by Jareth Cutestory   
Wednesday, 27 May 2009 13:59

As a Magic fan, I can still say that without a doubt LeBron James has been more than impressive in this series. We all know about his shot to win Game 2. He hit that impressive 3 at the end last night to extend the stress a bit longer, and I fully expected that last one to go in too. It really isn't fun. But, luckily for the Magic, the rest of the Cavs have been nowhere to be seen. All we have seen of Mo has been that mouth of his. West has been OK, I guess. Z looks like he's playing basketball underwater, and when Anderson isn't lying on the court like he got snipped in the neck, he hasn't exactly been playing his best.

That said, we've been able to track some of LeBron's teammates down. It wasn't easy.

Disclaimer: As Magic fans, we reserve the right to understand that this will probably jinx us, and said players will play the best games of their career for the rest of the series.

 


"I prefer romaine over Big Z."


"Can iz help LeBronz?"


"LeBron is sick of his teammates disappearing. It's time for him to start looking for them. Wait..is that Wally Z?"

b

"He's over there Mr. James."

b

"Damnit Andy. Practice falling down on your own time!"


"An instant classic."

Disclaimer: These chops are meant to be humorous and are just a good-natured dig at LeBron James, Big Z, Delonte West, Mo Williams, Wally, Boobie, Coach of the Year, Sideshow Bob, Robert DeNiro, Bouncy Castles, Iceberg lettuce, and kittens.

Comments (13)Add Comment
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written by curseofcleveland, May 27, 2009
Your coach's freaking mouth has been just as bad as Williams's. You sit there and act like the Cavaliers aren't playing the game the right way. How about Howard using his elbows like most people use their hands? How about bench player Mickael Pietrus bobbing his damn head up and down every time he hits a three like he won the NBA Finals? How about Turkoglu with that little Turkish shit-eating grin every time he barrels his way to the basket? And how about your freaking erratic, idiotic, loud head coach who calls out 4-time defensive players of the year for flopping? Pretty easy to coach when your team gives you 17 threes and you shoot near 50 percent most of the series.
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written by Echo, May 28, 2009
*sigh*

One game we drill the three ball and keep it up. The rest of the series Cleveland has taken more three point shots than Orlando. Though, you are right, Stan does make is seem pretty easy to coach. I mean, he is only out coaching the "coach of the year" and has the Magic up 3-1 against the self proclaimed "leagues best team". Best record, yes, but best team? Stan has constantly given respect to LeBron, and made no promises. Even after going up 3-1 he says its a long and difficult road ahead. If Big Ben doesn't like being called out for flops, don't flop. I noticed you left Verajo out of this. Smart move.

The Cavs have been celebrating every shot hit in every game since the opening night of the season like everything was a big joke. They even got into that mode in the first game against Orlando early on. Now that the smile has been wiped off of their faces and things get serious all of a sudden, you, as a Cavs fan, complain about Turk smiling and Pietrus bobbing his head?

Give me a break. Seriously.

LeBron can use his forearms to shove off the defender, or lower his shoulder as he drives to the hole, and you seem fine with that, but you have a problem that Dwight "using his elbows like hands"? What is that even supposed to mean?
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written by kberto, May 28, 2009
Wally and his glorious hair will lead the Cavs to victory tonight and help them storm back to take the series. Thank you cutestory, you blew it...

Oh yeah, WHY DID I JUST SIGN UP FOR THIS CRAP?
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written by I 3 Freely, May 28, 2009
"Pretty easy to coach when your team gives you 17 threes and you shoot near 50 percent most of the series."

This is my favorite part of the comment. Just bee-yooo-teee-ful!!!
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written by I 3 Freely, May 28, 2009
Because, Kberto, you were told that you would get a free O-Rena Chicken Tender Basket. I was promised the same thing. *sigh*
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written by curse, May 28, 2009
I didn't mention Varejao because he is our 5th or 6th best player, and he's not the reason we're losing this series. Everyone knows his game; he tries to frustrate the other player and draw offensive fouls. Last time I checked, that's not illegal. Wallace DOESN'T flop, if you knew anything about basketball, you'd know that.

I'd like to see some evidence that Cleveland is celebrating nearly as much as the Magic in this series. Let's not talk about the regular season antics, because we both know that's a different animal.

I realize LeBron gets leeway, but Howard is getting even more than him this series, and since he starts to operate 3 feet from the bucket, he has an undeniable advantage in this series. What I meant by the hands comment is he uses his elbows as frequently as most other players use their hands in the normal course of play. He doesn't go up for one rebound without shoving off of someone or elbowing them.

Don't sit there and honestly tell me Orlando isn't playing its best ball all season. If you guys were playing like the 59-win team you were in the regular season and first 2 rounds, then the Cavs wouldn't be down 3-1. It probably won't happen this series, but that hot shooting will go away and so will the Ws for you guys. As your DUI buddy Barkley says, "Live by the three, die by the three."
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written by Jareth Cutestory, May 28, 2009
Curse, you are coming off as one of the most sour fans I've ever encountered.

Wallace is old, injured, and can't keep up with Dwight. He flops. Get over it. It happens. Players get old, and don't play like themselves anymore. Why do you think he was traded to the Cavs to begin with.

You're right. You don't see LeBron and the rest of the team celebrate that much anymore. You know, up until the 4th quarter of Game 1 they were. But then reality hit. I wouldn't be celebrating anymore either if I were them. Celebrate when you actually do something worth celebrating. Until then, it's considering being full of yourselves.

LeBron, and ask ANY NBA fan this, gets ANY CALL HE WANTS. Period. LeBron wasn't trying to score in Game 4 at the end. He was getting the foul. I forget where I read that, but it was an excellent point. No way was he trying to tie the game. He simply got tripped up with Pietrus, and got the call his way. Smart by LeBron, but cheesy nonetheless. Please don't ask me to give you more examples, because I would like to sleep tonight.

Orlando not playing good in the first 2 rounds and like a 59 win team? You act as if the Cavs won 82 games this year. They won 7 more then the Magic, and the Magic did it without their starting PG for almost half the year. And if I recall, faired much better against the elite competition then the Cavs did.

And I'd call our basketball the past 3 rounds amazing. This team went from being soft and losing games in the 4th even with big leads, to a team that fights no matter what and stays humble afterwards.

This series is still wide open. Get over yourself my friend. The Cavs could still win, but obviously the better basketball TEAM is ahead right now. Best of luck the rest of the series, and try not to come off as bitter as you are anymore. It's not helping your case.
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written by Echo, May 28, 2009
"I'd like to see some evidence that Cleveland is celebrating nearly as much as the Magic in this series."

Go back and watch the first half of game one. The Magic have a long ways to go to simply catch up with the celebrations from this half of basketball alone.

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written by curse, May 28, 2009
Yea, call me bitter, I anticipated that. The Cavaliers were without Zydrunas Ilgauskas (17 games), Delonte West (18 games), and Ben Wallace (26 games), so don't give me that Jameer Nelson crap. Yes, he's an all-star and you guys are better with him, but Rafer Alston is playing very well this series and he's a good replacement for Nelson, albeit not perfect. The Cavaliers had NO ONE to replace any of those guys and they still won games.

Yes, Wallace is old, injured, and cannot keep up with Dwight. But, he doesn't flop, I don't understand what you get this from. He is in position, takes the hit, and falls down. That's what a charge is.

One of the reasons the Cavaliers played poorly against the best competition (3-6 I believe against BOS, LA, ORL) is that they had to play once against Orlando and the Lakers without Z and Delonte. How would you guys do without 2 of your best four players? By they way, who in the hell has a winning record against the best three teams in the league? Besides you guys.

You get me all wrong. I'm not taking away what you guys have done this series. I'm stating the obvious though, you guys were a disaster with a lead in the first two rounds in multiple games. Now, the Cavaliers are taking that role.

What you've done in these four games is nothing short of amazing, but I get ticked off when you try and take away from what the Cavaliers have done. Orlando is playing at such a high level right now that I don't think anyone else would be facing a better fate than 3-1 heading into Game 5.

I'm not trying to piss you guys off. I am only trying to give the other side of the story to people reading, and all I want is a little respect for my team.
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written by Jareth Cutestory, May 28, 2009
The Cavs had a heck of a run during the regular season. LeBron is nothing short of amazing. Z has always been a great player, but he isn't the same anymore. Delonte and Mo aren't the players LeBron needs next to him. He made them appear better then they are.

It's hard to not enjoy watching the Cavs lose some games. To see them celebrate all year as if it was just one big party, the showboating, the antics while blowing out other teams, the constant coverage of it all on ESPN (I know it's not their fault, but I'm sure they loved it), and now all of a sudden the smiles are gone. It's refreshing. The Magic have done none of this. They barely celebrated their game 1 victory and that was as dramatic as it gets.

It's been a fantastic series, and I sort of see where you are coming from. Your points though are just not doing it for me.


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written by curse, May 28, 2009
I understand the anger with the showboating, and a lot of us Cavaliers' fans knew it was over the top at times, especially the final month or two. But, it just shows how great a chemistry this team has had.

The Cavaliers have not directly taunted their opponents, everything they've done is celebrating one another and rooting for their teammates. I don't have a problem with that, and nearly all of the NBA experts haven't either and have actually found THAT refreshing.

By they way, this is the first time in ESPN history that Cleveland has been shown any extended love so pardon me for enjoying something other than Boston/New York/Notre Dame/anything East Coast and now USC/Lakers/West Coast now that they are in LA.

That's fine about not agreeing with my points, agree to disagree. I understand your side of it too. Being the media underdog and all, it's a way of life in Cleveland, and it had been refreshing to be on the other side of it for once.
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written by The Big Train, May 29, 2009
"Don't sit there and honestly tell me Orlando isn't playing its best ball all season."

The Magic are not playing their best basketball of the season. Here is their best stretch:

Tue, Jan 6 Washington W 89-80
Wed, Jan 7 @ Atlanta W 106-102
Fri, Jan 9 Atlanta W 121-87
Sun, Jan 11 @ San Antonio W 105-98
Tue, Jan 13 @ Sacramento W 139-107
Fri, Jan 16 @ LA Lakers W 109-103
Sat, Jan 17 @ Denver W 106-88
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written by Echo, May 29, 2009
"The Cavaliers have not directly taunted their opponents, everything they've done is celebrating one another and rooting for their teammates. I don't have a problem with that, and nearly all of the NBA experts haven't either and have actually found THAT refreshing."

But you bash Hedo's smile and Pietrus' head bob?

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The Mission. The Statement.

We are Terry and The Pump Fakes, Jareth Cutestory, Vile Feminista, Maxwell Effort, I 3 Freely, Paul Ego, Supply and Demand, El Fantasma de Carlos, The Big Train, The Nickel Steak, Ayo!, and Tyson J. Perfect. Together, we are Magic fans. We remember Nick’s steal against Jordan, Billy Donovan, Scott Skiles, Jerryl Sasser and Reece Gaines, The Mac Attacks, the NBA on NBC, and Grant Hill’s ankle. We also watch TV and read the internet, thus noticing the endless flow of unoriginal Orlando Magic related puns. We have combined to discuss the Magic, the NBA, and from time to time supply side economics and the life of Leonardo da Vinci. Together we are The Puns Are Starting to Bore Me.

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